Black Women Seeking White Men – Are They?
In my last article I explored white men dating black women, so in this article I decided to do the opposite and explore why are more and more black women seeking white men, why some black women still do not date white men, and why other black women are oppose to it altogether.
First, in the United States there are 1.8 million more black women than black men. This means that even if every black man would marry a black woman 1.8 million black women would still be left alone. Next, if you consider how many black men are dating out side of their race, the ratio of black men to black women becomes even smaller. And finally, if you factor in the number of black men who are incarcerated or otherwise not considered educated or successful enough to be suitable mates by many black women, you will find that the number of eligible black single men for black single women in the dating pool dwindles even more.
This means that for many black women seeking white men or men from other races has almost become more of a necessity rather than simply a matter of choice in their pursuit to seek and secure a loving monogamous relationship. But why would a black woman seek a white man as opposed to someone from different race?
In my article: White Men Dating Black Women I explained that the reason we date interracially is simply because differences attract. In my future posts, I am going to examine this idea of differences attracting further.
However, for the purposes of this post suffice it to say that some black women might date a white men simply because they feel attracted or prefer a white man. And obviously, as I explained in my previous article many cities around the world are becoming more diverse, and thus interracial dating has simply become more accessible and acceptable. The narrowing of socio-economic gaps between people from different cultures and races in many instances has then also furthered this progress.
Many black women do not necessarily have a race requirement on the person she will choose to date or marry. Rather, many will consider the person and their character rather than his skin color when making a decision on whether to date or marry a particular person.
However, this is not to say that many black women would not have an ideal or fantasy about their ideal mate and their race. Some black women would prefer her date or future husband to be black, some might prefer him to be white, yet others may prefer another race altogether, and finally some do not care one way or another. And while many may have a preference, most choose to at the same time stay open to dating any race.
But there are also black women who do not want to date out side of their race. There are many reasons for this. First, some black women feel strongly about wanting to reserve the black race. By having children with white men they feel they would dilute their race and thus these women won’t consider dating a white man. Other black women want to avoid societal pressures such as other black men or women calling them “sell outs” to their race. Some feel they would put a white man through unnecessary struggle by “forcing” a white man to understand some of the struggles of living in a world where the black race is the most discriminated. Others simply doubt that a white man could ever understand or relate to her culture or problems. Some black women may mistrust or question the intentions of white men wanting to date a black woman and they might be afraid to be considered only as guilty pleasures or as one-time fun experiments, for example. Yet, others are afraid about the white man’s family accepting her. And while many may feel various of these feelings, for some black women some of these are enough to deter them from considering dating a white man while other choose to do date in spite of them.
Obviously, these are only some of the reasons why a black woman may choose not to date a white man. Ultimately the reasons can range from her doubting that a white man could ever satisfy her in the bedroom to feeling ashamed or embarrassed for not being able to give birth to white babies and anything in between.
But having talked to many black women, the consensus that I have come to as for the reasons black women are choosing to date white men is that it has simply often been white men whom have approached these women. What these women have discovered is that many of them have simply felt natural chemistry and attraction to white men.
But while many black women are branching out to date out side of their race, some are still resistant and others outright oppose to it. Those black women who are refusing to accept interracial dating altogether do this mostly out of their mistrust and by so doing consciously or unconsciously project their own unresolved fears and hurts onto others.
In Louisiana, for example, due to horrifying history of black slavery, many black women still today have witnessed growing up the effects and aftermath of their parents or grandparents’ hurts and mistrust toward the white race. Understandably, if you witness your parents or others around you mistrusting or talking negatively about the white race you are likely consciously or unconsciously feel negatively about white men. This may then lead to refusing to accept the idea of interracial dating altogether.
Armed with the history of unresolved mistreatment, hurt, and fears, she might even with good intentions warn or disapprove of others to ever fully trusting a white person much less dating or marrying one. Unfortunately, prisoner to her own unresolved feelings and beliefs; she becomes the slave to her own thoughts unable to unlock herself from her shackles of hurt only to end up trying to keep others in the same cell she herself continues to create.
And there you have it, a short exploration, why many black women are seeking white men, why some black women do not, and why other black women are opposed to dating white men altogether. What do you think? Please share your thoughts with me and let’s learn about these topics together! Or visit my personal relationship journal where I give dating and relationship advice and share more about my experiences.
