I happen to be a white guy from Finland who has lived twenty years in Finland and about another ten years in the states. I have been writing about my own views and experiences about interracial dating, so I thought I would give you my perspective on this topic as well.

So do I think black or darker skinned women are more desirable in certain parts of Europe compared to the United States?

I lean on answering yes they are.

Obviously, just like in the United States each state and city have vast differences in how socially acceptable dating someone from different racial and cultural backgrounds is, so is the case with different countries and cities in Europe. But generally speaking, in Europe we don't have the same tense history of slavery, which makes interracial dating between African-Americans and Europeans less racially tense in Europe compared to the United States.

To help you understand my view point further, let me give you a short story about my teenage years.

Growing up in Oulu, Finland, none of us had hardly any exposure to any other race besides white. I think I knew only one black girl in the entire city of over 100,000 people who had come to Oulu who had been adopted (if I remember correctly). In schools we study very little about the American history. Most of the ideas I got about America growing up was through watching TV, shows like Baywatch, Bill Cospy Show, Miami Vice, Knight Rider, and movies like Terminator, Commando, House Party, etc.. Back then many of us admired the American lifestyle and we respected Americans, whether black, white, or any other race. 

And I still remember sometimes watching MTV and seeing some rap videos and thinking to myself: "Those black women (and white women) in those videos are HOT". And I knew I possible could not have been the only guy thinking that. But since there were not any black woman around (or women of any other culture or race for that matter) interracial dating just was not something that I ever talked about with any of my friends. We just did not think much of it.

But like I explained in my previous post about white men dating black women I definitely believe that it is differences that often create chemistry and attraction. And so, therefore, I think it is this combination of less racial tension in Europe, the respect many Europeans have for Americans, and the fact that in many parts of Europe black women are scarce and seen exotic that contributes to black and dark skinned women, especially from America, being more desirable and appreciated in Europe than in the United States.

  ]]> http://www.datinginblackandwhite.com/uncategorized/are-black-women-more-desirable-outside-of-the-united-states/feed 3 http://www.datinginblackandwhite.com/interracial-dating/should-we-even-talk-about-interracial-dating http://www.datinginblackandwhite.com/interracial-dating/should-we-even-talk-about-interracial-dating#comments Wed, 28 Apr 2010 23:49:01 +0000 Mikko Kemppe http://www.datinginblackandwhite.com/?p=65 Recently, I have been asked some very interesting questions from some of my friends like: “Mikko, why are you even talking about interracial dating, what is really the big deal?” or “Mikko, don’t you think love is love, do you really think there is need to talk about interracial dating?” What I have found particularly interesting is that these questions have come from my friends with various different racial and cultural backgrounds.

So, I thought I would answer that question and explain my inspiration for talking about interracial dating.

First, do I think we should even talk about interracial dating?

Yes, absolutely we should talk about interracial dating. Why? Because it is only by learning to more positively understand how we all have unique world views that we can ultimately bring lasting peace and love to this world.

Everyones race, gender and cultural background greatly contribute to how he/she has come to view the world. And unless we learn to honestly discuss and acknowledge these differences it is impossible to shed more light on them. It is only by learning to acknowledge our own uniqueness and accept how we are different from one another that we can also recognize the uniqueness of others and to learn in a positive way to accept and acknowledge others for who they really are.

Not that long ago feminist were against talking about the differences between men and women. Many feminists were on a quest to prove that men and women were equal. However, they confused being equal with being the same. Men and women are inherently equal, yes. However, what many feminists failed to understand is that while we are all inherently equal regardless of our race, gender, socio-economic status or cultural background, men and women are still different. Just because we are equal does not mean we are the same. And while we can all agree that as human beings we are more similar than different, it is still very important for us to understand the small ways in which we view the world differently.

Today there is very little dispute whether men and women view the world differently as it is now an established scientific fact, but just as men and women view the world different, people from different racial and cultural backgrounds view the world differently as well. Your race is also a big part of your cultural experience and how you will come to view and experience the world. It is our failure to understanding our differences in a positive way that is the root of all of our problems in relationships. And it is these same misunderstandings that are ultimately also the root of all conflict in the world.

Without a doubt, understanding your gender differences in a more positive way play much bigger role in your dating and relationship success than understanding our cultural or racial background. However, our race and cultural differences still play a big part of how we experience life as well. And many people would rather forget that racial injustice still exists in this world and that we view people from different races differently. The problem with trying to forget, however, is that it does not change the reality and it does not allow any healing to take place so that we can learn to love each other for who we truly are.

Unless you are willing to recognize that your race makes a difference in how you have come to view this world and how others view you, it is impossible for you to fully understand your own life experiences with respect to it. And if you cannot understand how your race and culture shapes your world view it is impossible for you to learn to make a distinction on how others from a different racial background have come to view the world from a different perspective also.

When I lived in Monroe, Louisiana, for example, had I not learned to understand that many white people grew up seeing their parents being racist toward black people, it would have been very hard for me to try to understand the discrimination that I witnessed from some white people toward blacks. Had I not understood the deeper reasons why many white men or women were racist, for example, I could not have understood the ignorance that existed with forgiveness. I am not saying this as a justification for discrimination.

My point is that by learning about the discrimination it helped me identify more with black peoples view and understand why I sometimes faced skepticism from black people. In the same way, it also made me understand why many white people treated me with more respect. These distinctions of how I was so clearly treated differently solely because of my race and cultural background by different races allowed me to gain a keen awareness and clarity of how ones race can have a tremendous effect on how our world view develops.

Even if you live in a progressive city like San Francisco, for example, a Caucasian person will grow up and come to view the world differently from an African-American, Latin-American, Or Asian-American person, even if all other cultural factors are kept equal. What kind of role your race plays in shaping your world view depends, of course, largely on where you grow up.

This does not, of course, mean that a person from a one particular race will somehow develop a better or worse world view than a person from another racial or cultural background. This is not what I mean. What I simply mean is that it is undeniable that people with different races will develop somewhat different world views. And it is mainly these differences that make interracial dating and relationships different from couples of same race. And it is only by learning to acknowledge that we all view life differently that we can become more sensitive and respectful to how other people experience life. It is only with discussion and understanding that true healing can occur. And if you think racial discrimination does not exist in the dating world, just read my previous article where OkCupid claims racism is alive and well.

Black race, for example, is still considered to be an inferior race by many whites in the United States as well as other countries around the world. These type of false beliefs, among with many other false beliefs regarding to race, affects negatively people from all races and hinders the development of our humanity. I am not saying black people are victims of their circumstances. But unless we continue to carefully examine how our own race and cultural background has affected our own thinking and continue to seek to further understand our differences, we cannot continue to grow in love and acceptance for ourselves and others.

Finally, it is important that we continue to stand up against injustice and ignorance. Should Rosa Parks not have stood up and talked about how she was treated differently in a negative way because of her race? Should Abraham Lincoln (although his intentions for civil war can be debated) not have stood up and talked about freeing black southerners from slavery in the US? Should Nelson Mandela not have talked against the racial segregation in South Africa? Should Martin Luther King not have talked about the racial injustice?

Although we have come a long way from those days, have we really achieved a world where our racial and cultural differences and experiences do not need to be talked about anymore? I think not. It is by continuing to honestly discuss about differences that will bring more light and love to this world. And this is why I will continue to talk about interracial dating and relationships. But what about you? What do you think? Do you think we should talk about interracial dating and relationships? Why or why not?

Technorati Tags: about interracial dating, Interracial Dating

OkCupid gathered the message habits of over million of their users from their on-line dating user data base and came to the conclusion that racism is alive and well. To read their findings visit the OkCupid article here.

OkCupid arrived to the conclusion that racism is alive and well by illustrating that a race was a very significant factor to the different response rates to messages. People who are compatible and match on their site usually reply to one another on the same rate. In other words, usually the more compatible you are with someone the higher the response rate you will get is. They illustrated this by examining that when response rates where measured, your zodiac signs does not have hardly any statistically significant effect on the response rate you receive. In other words, no matter what your zodiac sign, the more you matched and were compatible with the person you send a message to, the higher your chances are to get a response back when all else is equal. However, when your zodiac sign is replaced with your race and all else is kept equal your reply rates change very significantly.

Some of the most significant conclusions that OkCupid made were that Black women write back the most, white men get more responses than males from other races, white women prefer white men to the exclusion of every other race and Asian and Hispanic women prefer white men even more exclusively. Furthermore, they found that men regardless of race don’t write black women back as often as women from other races and that white men respond back basically about 20% less than any other male race.

When the on-line dating subscribers were asked about whether they strongly prefer to date someone of their own skin color/racial background 54% white female and 40% white males answered yes, while non-whites answered yes 20% of the time on average. Furthermore, 7% of whites and 3% non-whites thought that interracial marriages was a bad idea.

So what does all of these conclusions really mean? Can we conclude that racism is alive and well and that more white men and women are racist because they are more likely to strongly prefer to date someone from their own race? Or could this be explained by saying that it is a simple matter of preference? Also, it would be interesting if OkCupid would have had their data and results broken down also by other factors. For example, it would be interesting to know whether the majority of white females that preferred only white males are from white suburban cities and whether those who grew up in more diverse populations have more eclectic tastes in the opposite sex, whether these findings would be different based on ones level of education, religious beliefs, or political affiliation, or whether your aged plays are role on how strongly someone prefered to date within your own race? What do you think about the findings?

Technorati Tags: okcupid, racism alive and well

In my last article I explored white men dating black women, so in this article I decided to do the opposite and explore why are more and more black women seeking white men, why some black women still do not date white men, and why other black women are oppose to it altogether.

First, in the United States there are 1.8 million more black women than black men. This means that even if every black man would marry a black woman 1.8 million black women would still be left alone. Next, if you consider how many black men are dating out side of their race, the ratio of black men to black women becomes even smaller. And finally, if you factor in the number of black men who are incarcerated or otherwise not considered educated or successful enough to be suitable mates by many black women, you will find that the number of eligible black single men for black single women in the dating pool dwindles even more.

This means that for many black women seeking white men or men from other races has almost become more of a necessity rather than simply a matter of choice in their pursuit to seek and secure a loving monogamous relationship.  But why would a black woman seek a white man as opposed to someone from different race?

In my article: White Men Dating Black Women I explained that the reason we date interracially is simply because differences attract. In my future posts, I am going to examine this idea of differences attracting further.

However, for the purposes of this post suffice it to say that some black women might date a white men simply because they feel attracted or prefer a white man. And obviously, as I explained in my previous article many cities around the world are becoming more diverse, and thus interracial dating has simply become more accessible and acceptable. The narrowing of socio-economic gaps between people from different cultures and races in many instances has then also furthered this progress.

Many black women do not necessarily have a race requirement on the person she will choose to date or marry. Rather, many will consider the person and their character rather than his skin color when making a decision on whether to date or marry a particular person.

However, this is not to say that many black women would not have an ideal or fantasy about their ideal mate and their race. Some black women would prefer her date or future husband to be black, some might prefer him to be white, yet others may prefer another race altogether, and finally some do not care one way or another. And while many may have a preference, most choose to at the same time stay open to dating any race.

But there are also black women who do not want to date out side of their race. There are many reasons for this. First, some black women feel strongly about wanting to reserve the black race. By having children with white men they feel they would dilute their race and thus these women won’t consider dating a white man. Other black women want to avoid societal pressures such as other black men or women calling them “sell outs” to their race. Some feel they would put a white man through unnecessary struggle by “forcing” a white man to understand some of the struggles of living in a world where the black race is the most discriminated. Others simply doubt that a white man could ever understand or relate to her culture or problems. Some black women may mistrust or question the intentions of white men wanting to date a black woman and they might be afraid to be considered only as guilty pleasures or as one-time fun experiments, for example. Yet, others are afraid about the white man’s family accepting her. And while many may feel various of these feelings, for some black women some of these are enough to deter them from considering dating a white man while other choose to do date in spite of them.

Obviously, these are only some of the reasons why a black woman may choose not to date a white man. Ultimately the reasons can range from her doubting that a white man could ever satisfy her in the bedroom to feeling ashamed or embarrassed for not being able to give birth to white babies and anything in between.

But having talked to many black women, the consensus that I have come to as for the reasons black women are choosing to date white men is that it has simply often been white men whom have approached these women. What these women have discovered is that many of them have simply felt natural chemistry and attraction to white men.

But while many black women are branching out to date out side of their race, some are still resistant and others outright oppose to it. Those black women who are refusing to accept interracial dating altogether do this mostly out of their mistrust and by so doing consciously or unconsciously project their own unresolved fears and hurts onto others.

In Louisiana, for example, due to horrifying history of black slavery, many black women still today have witnessed growing up the effects and aftermath of their parents or grandparents’ hurts and mistrust toward the white race. Understandably, if you witness your parents or others around you mistrusting or talking negatively about the white race you are likely consciously or unconsciously feel negatively about white men. This may then lead to refusing to accept the idea of interracial dating altogether.

Armed with the history of unresolved mistreatment, hurt, and fears, she might even with good intentions warn or disapprove of others to ever fully trusting a white person much less dating or marrying one. Unfortunately, prisoner to her own unresolved feelings and beliefs; she becomes the slave to her own thoughts unable to unlock herself from her shackles of hurt only to end up trying to keep others in the same cell she herself continues to create.

And there you have it, a short exploration, why many black women are seeking white men, why some black women do not, and why other black women are opposed to dating white men altogether. What do you think? Please share your thoughts with me and let’s learn about these topics together! Or visit my personal relationship journal where I give dating and relationship advice and share more about my experiences.

Technorati Tags: Black Women Seeking White Men

I have been reading many interesting articles and some books attempting to probe into some of the reasons why more and more white men are beginning to date black women, why others still don’t, and why some may still be oppose to it. So first, why are white men dating black women?

I have heard many reasons for why white men find black women attractive, for example, black women have confidence and tenacity, their undeniable achievements in face of adversity has made black women like diamonds in the rough, or that black women have beautiful lips, curves, wonderful skin, and other attractive physical features, or finally that black women are very sexual.

While I believe that many of those stereotypes might often be true and probably contribute to white men wanting to date black women, I think those reasons fail to address the most fundamental reason, which is simply that differences attract.

As I have tried to carefully examine my own reasons for dating interracially and intercultural, the conclusion I have come to is that white men dating black women (or many other interracial mixes) are often in many ways comparable to the interplay between the different poles of a magnet. There is some chemistry that I cannot deny that makes me personally very attracted to many black women. This is not to say that I don’t find women from other races and cultures attractive or have chemistry because I do.

However, it is polarity and differences that create passion and tension in relationships. On one hand, the more differences a couple has in a relationship, the more attraction, passion, and chemistry they can potentially experience together, but on the other the more challenges they will also face in reconciling and learning to respect those differences. While it is differences that create passion, it is similar values that create unity.

As human beings we are all intrinsically equal and always more similar than different, but it is very important to recognize that it is hence always our failure to understand our differences in a positive way that create all of our misunderstandings and disrespect to one another. It is small unresolved misunderstanding that ultimately create all of the conflict in this world.

So if it is differences that attract, why many white men are still not dating black women? There are many reasons for this. Some of those reasons are that many white men still deem black women inferior to white women or black race inferior to white race, in many parts of the world it is still not socially acceptable for a white man to date a black woman, many white men are still scared to socially admit that they are attracted to black women, many white men do not want to have black children (and thus won’t even consider dating a black woman), many white men are scared of how others think of them dating a black woman, other white men simply prefer white women or women from another race, and yet other white men may simply not have access to dating black women even if they wanted to.

And while many white men are missing out on the growing pool of smart, beautiful, educated, successful black women, unfortunately there are still also those who oppose to white and black dating altogether like Keith Bardwell a justice-of-piece who recently opposed to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple in Louisiana. The reason why some white men are opposed to interracial relationship is primarily ignorance, which ultimately stems from insecurities and fears.

So there you have it, a short exploration to some of the reasons why white men are dating black women, why some white men are still missing out, and while other white men ignorantly choose not to accept it altogether. To read the full version of this article or to read more of my relationship and dating articles, visit: http://www.relationship-journal.com.

Technorati Tags: White Men Dating Black Women