Should We Even Talk About Interracial Dating?
Recently, I have been asked some very interesting questions from some of my friends like: “Mikko, why are you even talking about interracial dating, what is really the big deal?” or “Mikko, don’t you think love is love, do you really think there is need to talk about interracial dating?” What I have found particularly interesting is that these questions have come from my friends with various different racial and cultural backgrounds.
So, I thought I would answer that question and explain my inspiration for talking about interracial dating.
First, do I think we should even talk about interracial dating?
Yes, absolutely we should talk about interracial dating. Why? Because it is only by learning to more positively understand how we all have unique world views that we can ultimately bring lasting peace and love to this world.
Everyones race, gender and cultural background greatly contribute to how he/she has come to view the world. And unless we learn to honestly discuss and acknowledge these differences it is impossible to shed more light on them. It is only by learning to acknowledge our own uniqueness and accept how we are different from one another that we can also recognize the uniqueness of others and to learn in a positive way to accept and acknowledge others for who they really are.
Not that long ago feminist were against talking about the differences between men and women. Many feminists were on a quest to prove that men and women were equal. However, they confused being equal with being the same. Men and women are inherently equal, yes. However, what many feminists failed to understand is that while we are all inherently equal regardless of our race, gender, socio-economic status or cultural background, men and women are still different. Just because we are equal does not mean we are the same. And while we can all agree that as human beings we are more similar than different, it is still very important for us to understand the small ways in which we view the world differently.
Today there is very little dispute whether men and women view the world differently as it is now an established scientific fact, but just as men and women view the world different, people from different racial and cultural backgrounds view the world differently as well. Your race is also a big part of your cultural experience and how you will come to view and experience the world. It is our failure to understanding our differences in a positive way that is the root of all of our problems in relationships. And it is these same misunderstandings that are ultimately also the root of all conflict in the world.
Without a doubt, understanding your gender differences in a more positive way play much bigger role in your dating and relationship success than understanding our cultural or racial background. However, our race and cultural differences still play a big part of how we experience life as well. And many people would rather forget that racial injustice still exists in this world and that we view people from different races differently. The problem with trying to forget, however, is that it does not change the reality and it does not allow any healing to take place so that we can learn to love each other for who we truly are.
Unless you are willing to recognize that your race makes a difference in how you have come to view this world and how others view you, it is impossible for you to fully understand your own life experiences with respect to it. And if you cannot understand how your race and culture shapes your world view it is impossible for you to learn to make a distinction on how others from a different racial background have come to view the world from a different perspective also.
When I lived in Monroe, Louisiana, for example, had I not learned to understand that many white people grew up seeing their parents being racist toward black people, it would have been very hard for me to try to understand the discrimination that I witnessed from some white people toward blacks. Had I not understood the deeper reasons why many white men or women were racist, for example, I could not have understood the ignorance that existed with forgiveness. I am not saying this as a justification for discrimination.
My point is that by learning about the discrimination it helped me identify more with black peoples view and understand why I sometimes faced skepticism from black people. In the same way, it also made me understand why many white people treated me with more respect. These distinctions of how I was so clearly treated differently solely because of my race and cultural background by different races allowed me to gain a keen awareness and clarity of how ones race can have a tremendous effect on how our world view develops.
Even if you live in a progressive city like San Francisco, for example, a Caucasian person will grow up and come to view the world differently from an African-American, Latin-American, Or Asian-American person, even if all other cultural factors are kept equal. What kind of role your race plays in shaping your world view depends, of course, largely on where you grow up.
This does not, of course, mean that a person from a one particular race will somehow develop a better or worse world view than a person from another racial or cultural background. This is not what I mean. What I simply mean is that it is undeniable that people with different races will develop somewhat different world views. And it is mainly these differences that make interracial dating and relationships different from couples of same race. And it is only by learning to acknowledge that we all view life differently that we can become more sensitive and respectful to how other people experience life. It is only with discussion and understanding that true healing can occur. And if you think racial discrimination does not exist in the dating world, just read my previous article where OkCupid claims racism is alive and well.
Black race, for example, is still considered to be an inferior race by many whites in the United States as well as other countries around the world. These type of false beliefs, among with many other false beliefs regarding to race, affects negatively people from all races and hinders the development of our humanity. I am not saying black people are victims of their circumstances. But unless we continue to carefully examine how our own race and cultural background has affected our own thinking and continue to seek to further understand our differences, we cannot continue to grow in love and acceptance for ourselves and others.
Finally, it is important that we continue to stand up against injustice and ignorance. Should Rosa Parks not have stood up and talked about how she was treated differently in a negative way because of her race? Should Abraham Lincoln (although his intentions for civil war can be debated) not have stood up and talked about freeing black southerners from slavery in the US? Should Nelson Mandela not have talked against the racial segregation in South Africa? Should Martin Luther King not have talked about the racial injustice?
Although we have come a long way from those days, have we really achieved a world where our racial and cultural differences and experiences do not need to be talked about anymore? I think not. It is by continuing to honestly discuss about differences that will bring more light and love to this world. And this is why I will continue to talk about interracial dating and relationships. But what about you? What do you think? Do you think we should talk about interracial dating and relationships? Why or why not?
