22 April 2010 ~ View Comments

OkCupid Claims Racism Is Alive And Well!

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OkCupid gathered the message habits of over million of their users from their on-line dating user data base and came to the conclusion that racism is alive and well. To read their findings visit the OkCupid article here.

OkCupid arrived to the conclusion that racism is alive and well by illustrating that a race was a very significant factor to the different response rates to messages. People who are compatible and match on their site usually reply to one another on the same rate. In other words, usually the more compatible you are with someone the higher the response rate you will get is. They illustrated this by examining that when response rates where measured, your zodiac signs does not have hardly any statistically significant effect on the response rate you receive. In other words, no matter what your zodiac sign, the more you matched and were compatible with the person you send a message to, the higher your chances are to get a response back when all else is equal. However, when your zodiac sign is replaced with your race and all else is kept equal your reply rates change very significantly.

Some of the most significant conclusions that OkCupid made were that Black women write back the most, white men get more responses than males from other races, white women prefer white men to the exclusion of every other race and Asian and Hispanic women prefer white men even more exclusively. Furthermore, they found that men regardless of race don’t write black women back as often as women from other races and that white men respond back basically about 20% less than any other male race.

When the on-line dating subscribers were asked about whether they strongly prefer to date someone of their own skin color/racial background 54% white female and 40% white males answered yes, while non-whites answered yes 20% of the time on average. Furthermore, 7% of whites and 3% non-whites thought that interracial marriages was a bad idea.

So what does all of these conclusions really mean? Can we conclude that racism is alive and well and that more white men and women are racist because they are more likely to strongly prefer to date someone from their own race? Or could this be explained by saying that it is a simple matter of preference? Also, it would be interesting if OkCupid would have had their data and results broken down also by other factors. For example, it would be interesting to know whether the majority of white females that preferred only white males are from white suburban cities and whether those who grew up in more diverse populations have more eclectic tastes in the opposite sex, whether these findings would be different based on ones level of education, religious beliefs, or political affiliation, or whether your aged plays are role on how strongly someone prefered to date within your own race? What do you think about the findings?

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  • Ronin312
    white people are RACIST enough said
  • Bluewisetooth
    And u talk about interracial marriage with whites? FUCK NO
  • Amber
    I went to a speed dating event last night and met a nice guy! Blonde hair blue eyes. He liked me as well. We hung out for about 3hours after the event. I will keep everyone posted. wish me luck.
  • Awesome Amber! I am rooting for you.
  • Thank you, I just hope interest on his part doesn't wane. That tends to happen with me. I could use advice on that. I wish they had an interracial speed dating that would be most awesome.
  • Hi Amber! I hope so too. Also, for some general relationship and dating advice and discussions, take a look at my other dating and relationship site also: http://www.relationship-journa....
  • Ju
    OMG...That is soooo awesome Amber. Keep yourself out there girl, it looks as though you will be having one memorable summer.
  • Thank you so much. Keep you fingers, eyes, and toes crossed for me.
  • Amber
    I to wanted to thank everyone for there advice. I decided that I want to do volunteer work. I definitely need to get out more. I have done volunteer work in the past and it was quite rewarding. I'm looking at the Kiwanis club. I also joined meetup.com groups, I hid in my house too much.
  • Sky
    Hey there Mikko! it's my first time posting a comment here. So i have to say first that I commend you for setting up a blog from your point of view of dating bw/IRacially.

    OkCupid isn't a site I would call a dating site. I tried the site before to see what was happening and to be honest there wasn't that many guys to choose from as far as what we had in common. I barely wrote to any...and wasn't really expecting any responses. Infact I started to think that OkCupid wasn't a site about romance, but another social network site. I didn't get the vibe of "I'm looking for a date".

    If there are bw out there who are looking free dating websites for the time being, I highly suggest plentyoffish.com That site worked for me. Plenty of men looking at your profile, plenty of men writing to you first, plenty of men wanting a date. I had no problems w/ the site. But you have to vet the men. Just because they are good doesn't mean they are good for you. But that's a site you can look out for.
  • Thank you Sky and thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have heard similar things about OkCupid. I just like some of the research they have done on their blog. It is very interesting to me.
  • Amber
    I'm on plenty of fish as well. It worked for an acquaintance of mine she met her husband on that site. she is not a black woman looking for either White, Latino or Asian me. I gave up on Asian men years ago though. The thing the few men that have approached me from POF have had stereotypical views of black women. they can't fathom that I don't listen to rap and hip hop music. I wrote it clearly in my profile. also these men write to me in Ebonics even though my profile is not written that way and I am an educated woman. It is very infuriating.
  • Sky
    Hey Amber, like all dating websites you have to be patient with them. All women deal with ignorant men on the dating websites. Instead of saying that you don't listen to rap/hip-hop write down what you do listen to. You don't want to come across as the woman who doesn't do this or that. Simple write down what it is you enjoy and what you hope to do in the future. Make it short and sweet. I had numerous men who wrote perfectly well, and were doing well for themselves write to me because we had something in common. Something about my profile caught their eye and that's what you want to do. Remember there are hundreds of other women on that site as well. You have to be the one that is different from all of them. It also doesn't hurt to look at their profile (the men you're interested in). They can see when you've checked them out. That's completely different from writing to them first. However I can say that it's okay to write first. Just make it catchy and fun. And if they answer...they answer, and if they don't... they don't. Enjoy the dating site, don't make it out to be a homework project, otherwise you'll hate it.
  • @Amber, there maybe some other things you can try to help better your online dating results:

    1.) Don't approach or message men first. Sit back and let them come to you. I know that's old fashioned, but it really does work better this way.

    2.) There are online dating sites specific to those interested in dating IR. You may want to try AfroRomance.com and InterracialMatch.com.

    3.) If you can, in your profile or in your profile's headline, state that you are open to dating WM, etc. Yes, specifically state that! From my experience the reason why this works is because when you consider this country's racist history and the fact that for so long so many BW have expressed an undying loyalty to BM and BM only, some WM need a little extra encouragement or need to know that the "gate is open" so to speak and that their advances won't be rebuffed. This has worked for me, I was surprised by the response, LOL!

    4.) It's a numbers game and for every 50 responses to your personal ad or online profile, you may get only one or two dates out of it. As Ju mentioned it's important to cast a wide net- use online as well as other tools. Do volunteer with your favorite charity. Now that it's the NBA playoffs it's a good time to head to a sports bar where you'll be one of only a few ladies there- those odds are in your favor. Try speed dating. Work related mixers and events are also good places to meet men, etc. etc.

    Z
  • Great advice Zabeth! As a white guy, I reflected on your suggestion #3 also and I think that is a good advice also :). And yes, dating can definitely be a numbers game. Thanks for sharing!
  • Amber
    Hi thanks for a woman's perspective Zabeth :) some of you suggestions were excellent. I work in a female dominated field so I never get to meet single men at my workplace. I checked out afroromance.com and am going to try it out. I am already on interracialmatch.com and interracialpeoplemeet.comt The later I am getting bombarded by men in their 50's and 60's. I'm going to mention my prefernce in my profile. I don't think these men bothering reading profile, they just look at the pictures. I don't think the sit back and wait approach works due to the fact that I'm not that pretty. I have always had to try harder to get a date then most of my friends. It was a bit easier when I was in my 20's to date. Now that I'm in my mid 30's it is challenging due to my age race, weight, area (New Jersey is a terrible place to find love)lack of supermodel looks.
    I think in 6 months or so I have had 50 responses to my profiles :( some of those were friends who couldn't believe they found me on these dating sites, lesbians and bisexual woman, oh and older gentleman who are around my dads age.
    I think I will head out to a sports bar. Um who is in the playoffs anyway. I know nothing about basketball,
  • Yes, going out to a sports bar to watch a NBA playoffs is a great idea. And when they have a time out or a commercial brake, make sure to tell the guys that you don't really know much about basketball and then ask them a lot of questions. Men love to be experts and by you appreciating them for their knowledge and expertise in what they love by asking good questions and thanking them for filling you in, they will bond you with you even more.
  • Ju
    I am not big on the internet dating thing. I almost think you have to look like a supermodel to get enough attention to do the weeding process. Amber, my suggestion would be to get offline and volunteer with a purpose you like, join evening classes at the local community college in something that interest you, go to places where men congregate: games, car shows, bodybuilding tournaments or any other tournaments. World Cup is coming up in June, this will be a great opportunity to hit up the places where Soccer fans gather. I love me some football so trust I'll be hitting up the pubs cheering on Les Bleus. Girl, if you keep doing this with a positive attitude, great smile and nicely attired you will eventually meet your prince charming. Blessings.
  • Amber
    I definitely need to get out more often. My social life has revolved around Bowie. We go to dog parks, on walks and hiking. I have joined some meetup groups that share commom interests. I do need to go outside my comfort zone. It's just scary going to some places alone. Out in the real world, I get ignored by men. It is hurting my self esteem. My can't men see my inner beauty like my puppy. He loves me no matter what.
  • Ju
    Hi Amber, it's always nerve-wrecking to get outside of our comfort zone. We humans are creatures of habit and don't like our little boats to rock to and fro. Don't beat yourself up about your looks, that will only make your self-esteem nosedive. Everybody has some physical features that are beautiful and I don't care what you say, you have it too. Make sure the clothes that you have are complimentary to your figure. A great hairstyle is always a plus. If you are ever unsure ask a good friend or family member for an honest opinion. Sometimes we are in a zone so long we forget how we used to look. Remember to eat lots of fruits and veggies and drink loads of water, this is great for hair, skin and nails. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and there is nobody else like you in the universe. There is a special man in this world who was made just for you, stay positive always. Blessings.
  • Amber
    This explains everything! I am on okcupid and there are men that I have so much in common with including music types. I write them a message and I hear nothing back from them, The same is true with other websites. I have been on okcupid since 2005 and only went on 2 dates :( I was beginning to think I was undateable. This puts more logical into thing. I really wish there was interracial matchmaking service because I just don't date anymore, it really pathetic. I really need help here. Maybe you can write and article to help dateless challenged black women like me.
  • Madison
    Hey Amber try Afroromance.com
  • Hi Amber,

    First, I just want to say thank you very much for visiting and sharing your thoughts.

    It is true, this world is often not fair. Believe it or not I know how you feel.

    Let me share a story with you.

    As I was a little boy in Finland I always had a dream to become a NBA basketball star. I practiced almost every day often 7 - 8 hours a day. I did this for years. I never missed a practice. I read about nutrition exercise. I went to the gym to weight train. I did exercises to improve my jumping ability. I lived and breathed basketball. It was all that I lived for. I admired the many of the black men like Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson. They were my heroes and role models and what I aspired to become like.

    I became to be voted to be the best male basketball player in North part of Finland. I got a scholarship to play basketball in Louisiana. Yet, with all of my years of practice after I came to the United States and I had to face a very harsh reality. I was not as good as the many black men that I competed against. My physical gifts and abilities just were no good enough to make it to the NBA. I found out that I was too slow and too short. My physical abilities was just was not good enough. Some of my black friends got drafted to the NBA, but I did not. I was hurt inside. I was disappointed. I felt like giving up.

    My dreams were shattered. I thought that life was just not fair. Why did God bless some men with much better physical genes than others I asked myself?

    What I realized was that although life is not fair, we can still choose to make the best out of it. Although we all face certain limitations, we can choose not to let those limitations define us. We can rise above them.

    I might not have made it to the NBA. I might not have been selected because I was not as good as many of my black friends. But I did not let that define who I am and what I am capable of doing in this world. And I am asking for you to not let the fact that you have not been asked out on those dating sites to define who you are either.

    We all have unique gifts and talents. We are all special. And I know you are too.

    Once I realized that just because I did not got selected to go to the NBA, it did not mean that I could not find the right life path for me in other ways, I opened my eyes to the endless possibilities that exist in life again. And my life has been amazing ever since in more ways than I can often imagine.

    Ju has already gave you some great advice as well. And I am really happy for you that you have found this blog. I will be sure to write more about how to overcome some the challenges that you might face as a black woman dating. Thanks again for visiting and come back soon and tell your friends to come visit also! I wish you all of the best!
  • viveen
    Hello Mikko!

    I would like to say something concernng OKCupid, and Amber's frustration. Previous to my husband- who is black - all of my previoius love interests were white. During my twenties my friend and I got sick of the men we met in clubs and decided to go on a dating agency. The response I got was positive. I did not have a preference except that he be nice and serious about the relationship, and all the replies I got were from white men and a few asians.

    They were from all backgrounds. I think America, is simply a racist society that is stuck in its ways. There is racism in England, but not to that extreme! I have been on a few American forums and I have been really upset by the horrible things white American and black Americans say about black women. Mikko Kemppe you are one of the very few white people from the states (but born in Finland) that have said a civil word concerning black women.

    I have seen many American t.v shows i.e Rikki Lake, Tyra Banks etc... and black women really debase themselves. They have a lot of self hate and now I know why, if you are rejected everyday in every- way it will effect you mentally.

    It is strange that white men have always seemed so kind and loving to me, for example when I dated white men they never failed to tell me how beautiful I am and how lovely I look. However, my black husband whom I have been with for many years hardly notices me. He never really complemented me when we first went out together but I am so inlove with him I have learned to live with this invisibility. If I want to feel special I think about my past relationships and the nice things my white boyfriends would say to me. Do not get me wrong I have had some nasty run-ins with racist white men but they have been few.

    I have had mostly positive experiences with white men so I am sad that so many American white males are so hostile. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you the problem is the society you live in.

    Love

    Viveen
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