14 April 2010 ~ View Comments

White Men Dating Black Women

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I have been reading many interesting articles and some books attempting to probe into some of the reasons why more and more white men are beginning to date black women, why others still don’t, and why some may still be oppose to it. So first, why are white men dating black women?

I have heard many reasons for why white men find black women attractive, for example, black women have confidence and tenacity, their undeniable achievements in face of adversity has made black women like diamonds in the rough, or that black women have beautiful lips, curves, wonderful skin, and other attractive physical features, or finally that black women are very sexual.

While I believe that many of those stereotypes might often be true and probably contribute to white men wanting to date black women, I think those reasons fail to address the most fundamental reason, which is simply that differences attract.

As I have tried to carefully examine my own reasons for dating interracially and intercultural, the conclusion I have come to is that white men dating black women (or many other interracial mixes) are often in many ways comparable to the interplay between the different poles of a magnet. There is some chemistry that I cannot deny that makes me personally very attracted to many black women. This is not to say that I don’t find women from other races and cultures attractive or have chemistry because I do.

However, it is polarity and differences that create passion and tension in relationships. On one hand, the more differences a couple has in a relationship, the more attraction, passion, and chemistry they can potentially experience together, but on the other the more challenges they will also face in reconciling and learning to respect those differences. While it is differences that create passion, it is similar values that create unity.

As human beings we are all intrinsically equal and always more similar than different, but it is very important to recognize that it is hence always our failure to understand our differences in a positive way that create all of our misunderstandings and disrespect to one another. It is small unresolved misunderstanding that ultimately create all of the conflict in this world.

So if it is differences that attract, why many white men are still not dating black women? There are many reasons for this. Some of those reasons are that many white men still deem black women inferior to white women or black race inferior to white race, in many parts of the world it is still not socially acceptable for a white man to date a black woman, many white men are still scared to socially admit that they are attracted to black women, many white men do not want to have black children (and thus won’t even consider dating a black woman), many white men are scared of how others think of them dating a black woman, other white men simply prefer white women or women from another race, and yet other white men may simply not have access to dating black women even if they wanted to.

And while many white men are missing out on the growing pool of smart, beautiful, educated, successful black women, unfortunately there are still also those who oppose to white and black dating altogether like Keith Bardwell a justice-of-piece who recently opposed to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple in Louisiana. The reason why some white men are opposed to interracial relationship is primarily ignorance, which ultimately stems from insecurities and fears.

So there you have it, a short exploration to some of the reasons why white men are dating black women, why some white men are still missing out, and while other white men ignorantly choose not to accept it altogether. To read the full version of this article or to read more of my relationship and dating articles, visit: http://www.relationship-journal.com.

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  • Lalaceyloves
    I have mixed feelings about the comments ,that are here on this page. First; I must say all the honestly about the feelings expressed is great! Only when honesty is openly express can there be understanding.,but may I ask a question ? With all theses comments on physical looks, have we forgotten that even when the outside looks,which changes with the passing of time. The inside person
    the person within,changes little,if at all. My point being; the real differences between people is things like: up-bringing,social status, religious beliefs, exposure to the many races of people, and
    how one feels about themselfs.

    To give you some background about myself, I'm a black lady....well,carmel color (smile) consider quite attractive .I have small femmine face features , but I'm a woman of color. What I think about interacial dating is GREAT ! I date white men, not because their white,but because I seem-to have more in common with them. Like: music taste,personality, goals, and conmuication skills. I just want to say, "can we talk more about real things than just looks?"

    KEEPING IT REAL (smile)
  • Not true
    the problem is not the skin,i love black or dark skin,but when most of the women who have black or dark brown skin have apish features then its out of question why most of us,go for white girls.Sorry to say it,but its not about insecurity or fears.Yes many of us fear to be labelled as racist for not liking a black girl,but as far i know from my white friends,its the facial features that they find disgusting in "black" women.Personally i wouldnt date a girl with big/wide forehead,a big/wide nose with big nostrils,flat,curved and wide skulls,huge lips and eyes ten times bigger than mine.No matter if the girl with that features is pale as snow,brown,yellow or black.If you a woman is fat its up to her to lose it,as for the hair thing its not bad to has curly hair,except if they look like Bob Marleys in their natural.If you notice it most white men who date or married to black girls are usually the one that are considered ugly or average to white women.From my personal experience ive seen many non white men dating white girls or even marrying them.Especially here in Europe you will find thousands non white men(Arab,black,south asian,west asian,Moor,mixed) with white women,especially the blonde ones,but you will rarely see the opposite.Maybe its the religion,but its also the fact that girls with flat,wide and generally big noses,girls with hairiness,round,flat or curved faces,unibrows and large eyes doesnt seem to attract the white man.Its sad for most black or dark brown women but thats how it is.Its about preferences.If i see a black girl with small/thin and cute nose,symmetrical,small and square head,medium eyes,and average or small lips,then why not consider her as pretty.There is no such a thing as chocolate white girls or white features.Its just one of the many excuses from a specific range of women,who happen to be mostly black/dark brown and want to seclude the features that a black person its acceptable to have in specific norms.The fact that black women with square heads,vertical and small foreheads,small noses and average or small lips tend to have more black partners,should also let us question the "white features" excuse.Not to mention the pale white girls with big foreheads noses,nostrils and lips who look like monkeys and considered less desirable by white men(its worth mentioning that most black/brown girls who are viewed to have small and straight noses like Leona Lewis actually they dont,its just the illusion of it when most others have large noses and one with smaller but still big is considered to have small nose) .Its mostly happening that thing in America because in the rest of the non white world they have serious gender imbalance problems,they are alienated to their own cultures through tribalism,tribal wars or religion.Also have in mind that white women are the minority in female population,and many non white men neither have seen a white woman nor they would be able to marry one,due to the small numbers of the white women and the increasing of the non white men.As for the ignorance thing,what do you imply?Do you want to brainwash white men,to love black women?Let the free market of ongoing preferences and selection do its duty.Its people who shape the media standards and not the opposite,and for the record white men are not afraid to admit they prefer black women,especially in Europe.Its not medieval times.In Europe you will find the most the secular countries in the world,and still its extremely rare to find a white European with black woman,despite the fact that white European has any opportunity to find the girl he wants.Why most white Europeans prefer to marry poor white European girls from Eastern Europe,and many of them they travel to East Europe for it.If it was for black girls,they would travel to poor black countries in central or south Africa to find their beloved future wife.Not to mention it would be million times easier the second option from a financial perspective.Most black women can keep dreaming, the ones they have pretty features and prefer white men are already engaged to one.
  • I definitely agree with you. In synopsis a beautiful woman of any race or backround can get any handsome man of any race or backround as well. I am tall and people find me very attractive and tell me all the time you should model. So I do now. I don't go out of my way to get men to notice me. I dress sexy, work-out, eat healthy, do yoga, and read books. Women need to focus on themselves before bringing a man into it. I can care less if one man out of a million doesn't think that I am beautiful. He's the minority in that equation. The whole the with the wide nose and big forehead is too extreme, its either you're very attractive or you're not. Just exude confidence WOMEN, give back to the world. Be successful! Men will flock to you. Loving a man for the color of his skin isn't loving at all. Love the MAN, but you have to LOVE ALL OF YOU FIRST! So get active, join different things, be one with God, embrace the Earth. You only live once. I thank God for the mother I have and I'm only 19 and I realize these things.
  • Msrdavis79
    Not True you make me sick, because of your ignorance. I have dated nothing but white men my whole life and do not have "white features" not everyone thinks the way you do, thank god. If you don't like black women, then why did you come to this site? There are several things about white men that a lot of black women don't like. Thin lips are a turn off for a lot of black women. Flat asses are a turn off as well. Very pale skin, Also the nasally voice. I can make as many ignorant and hurtful assumptions as you, but the good think is not all men think like you. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Who are you to say what "pretty" features are. Why not post a picture of yourself, so we can see how good-looking you are.
  • curious
    In the South you don't see a lot of wm with bw, however, you see a plenty of bm and ww all day long. Im not sure why that is?? Maybe bw are intimidated by wm or scare some black mans going to judge them for dating a wm. Or maybe the wm is apprehensive about dating a bw because they are scared she will reject them... idk...Im just saying....
  • Amber Coxfield
    Where are all these white men that date black women? I see it all around. Yet, I am approached by no one :( I'm not ugly but not gorgeous. I'm a bit below average in looks and overweight. I am an educated professional woman, who spends way too much quality time with her dog. I definitely have a preference for white men, sadly this preference in not reciprocal. I haven't dated a black man ever( well my ex was an EMO black goth but I consider him an alien and he doesn't fit into the realm of any human being). I feel that I''m going to bde a very lonely lass based on my decisions. I have tried okcupid, plenty of fish, eharmony, match.com and two interracial dating sites to no avail. I spend my weekend with movie night with Bowie, my puppy. I want to settle down and have a family but am in my mid 30's already. I'm ready to just marry and date the few black men that find me attractive.
  • Hi Amber,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is true, it is often hard to find a date much less the right one for you regardless of your race or preference. And you are definitely not alone. There are many black women and women in general who are having hard time finding the right one.

    And too many weekends as movie nights alone with your puppy will be surely a great way only to reinforce your re-existing beliefs and fears that no one will find you attractive and would easily end up making anyone feel hopeless about dating.

    But I am really happy for you that you have found this site. Just know that you are welcome to come share your frustrations and success here anytime. And if you ever choose to want to take additional steps to learn more about dating and relationships, make sure to also visit my relationship journal where I give advice mainly based on the Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus book series by Dr. John Gray. Also, if you would ever like me to give you a free evaluation on your dating site profiles to make sure we present you in the best possible light to the world let me know also. Just e-mail me mkemppe@gmail.com and I will be glad to help.

    I wish you all of the best Amber! Just know that love and support is often closer than you think!




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